I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
