We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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