I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
