then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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