i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
