I wish I could punch you in the face.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
