there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
