Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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