It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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