This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i think i just lost a toe
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
