oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
