somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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