I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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