I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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