We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
