I'm going to jail i love you
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
