Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
