News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
