shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
