My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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