I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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