Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
