He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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