I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
