Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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