that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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