sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
