he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
