i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
