honey bunches of taint.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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