Is it normal to miss your booty call?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
