My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
