STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
