its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
