I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
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