guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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