Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
