i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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