can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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