i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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