ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
