Cold hands, warm shart.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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