Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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