I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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