Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you traded sex for a burrito?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
