I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
