i love accidental penises.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
