maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
