apparently the secret to your success is patron
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
