Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
