Sry I called you an 8
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
