One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize