dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
COCAINE IS GR8
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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