I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
