it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
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He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
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I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
They have beer where we have blood.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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