): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
