Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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