I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
