I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
