so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
