He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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