All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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