Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
