apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
