Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
