I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
