the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
