"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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