question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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