Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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