i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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