sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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