HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
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The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
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Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
How does one acquire holy water?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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